The wisdom of crowds

Okay I realize I’ve been totally slacking on answering your questions. The questions are piling up and my lack of responses is unacceptable.

Here’s an experiment: I’ll post a question here for you to answer. has hundreds of readers every day — at least one of you should be able to come up with a decent answer, maybe…?

I don’t know if this is a good idea or not, but let’s find out. Here’s your first question:

Hi Pud, 

There is this girl I’ve been chasing for 6 months now. I have a lot of feelings for her and she knows it.

But she doesn’t know what to do — she has this long distance relationship with a guy overseas and he’s allegedly coming back toward the end of the year, maybe sooner.

What should I do?

Queensland, Australia
25 years old

Well? Post your answers in the comments.

(Photo by TwOsE)

45 Responses to “The wisdom of crowds”

  1. 1 kookyknut April 15, 2008 at 9:50 pm

    Stop chasing her. If she’s keen on you she’ll start chasing you. If not, move on.

  2. 2 Anonymous April 15, 2008 at 11:07 pm

    She clearly has the upper hand in your relationship. So….cut her off. Seriously. Change the power dynamic in her relationship by making her come to you. Dangle your availability (to hang out) out there a bit, but don’t put it out there too much. Does this sound like “playing games”? Maybe, but it’s the only way to figure out whether she’s willing to cast aside all others for you. But, here’s a hint: if she’s not interested in you by now, she ain’t interested (and she ain’t worth it). Go find someone who actually gives a crap about you instead. You’ll be amazed at how different it feels. Seriously.

  3. 3 Anonymous April 15, 2008 at 11:10 pm

    you are wasting your time with her and she will use you with your attitude

  4. 4 Angela April 16, 2008 at 7:49 am

    Yep – start dating other girls. A new girl every week even. It really is the only hope.

  5. 5 Anonymous April 16, 2008 at 7:59 am

    Stop being a pussy. “Chasing” … come on man, grow some balls. Throw “cocky + funny” down and move on. There are plenty of chicks out there, you just have to stop paying any mind to this one.

  6. 6 Anonymous April 16, 2008 at 9:48 am


    Well, it’s been my experience that nothing good will come of bottling things up. My advice would be to tell her. You’ll feel great about getting it out. Even if your rejected, in time you’ll realize that you tried rather than going through life thinking “what if?”.

    If you’re accepted, well that’s a whole different story. If she jumps ship for something different, then I suggest you shag her and move on because it’s only a matter of time before someone else becomes different in her eyes and she’s thinking of you the same way as the long distance bloke.

    No matter what, keep smiling.


  7. 7 Anonymous April 16, 2008 at 10:09 am

    Ignore her for a while and when she accidentally bumps in to you or calls you remain evasive and when she asks why she has not heard from you anymore tell her that you met this other girl. Just dream up your fantasy woman, sometinh like, she is not extrmely attractive but terribly intelligent, and by combination of her energy, personality and attractive appearence you are infatuated with her. Sound really enthusiastic when you tell her about this new woman and – here is the thing – ask her for advice. E.g. your new girl friend wants you to move in with her, what does she think etc. Also tell you friend that you surely like to stay friends with her but you would like to know from her how your new girl friend would react to that etc. Best way to do this is make an appointment with her, cancel it about an hour beforehand. Than wait a couple of days and when your girl friend calls you again, tell her you are busy and that you will call her back. Do so on a Friday evening and do the spiel above, so that she can steam on it for a whole week-end. Be rigid about it, do not contact her subsequently, and if, only if, she contacts you again, you know, she going to go hook-line-and-sinker. In your attitude to her, remain as doubtful as you possibly can, behave like a squirrel etc. Make her to pin you down

  8. 8 ShyAnne April 16, 2008 at 10:16 am

    She’s playing you – no woman worth her salt can’t decide between two men.

    And stop being so gullible where women are concerned…YOU’RE the boss — get it?

  9. 9 Wonk April 16, 2008 at 10:30 am

    D00d… it’s not that “she doesn’t know what to do”. She’s doing it… she’s blowing you off. Bow out. She’ll chase you if she wants you… and whatever you do, don’t wait.

    It’s times like these where the best possible thing you can do is bang as many turbosluts as you can. That’s why god made them.

    There is one other possible solution to your problem: You could bang her sister. Same DNA… prolly has the same squish – and that’s all you care about anyway because you are a man (presumably).

    Or, you could by a horse mask to wear while you drug and rape her. But, that’s illegal and is probably not such a good idea.

  10. 10 Anonymous April 16, 2008 at 10:37 am

    Long distance relationships are crap!!!. Only 0.0001 % of them maybe works. Don’t push yourself, if she want she will come to you, and she will when she eats the icecream!!. Find another girl, forget her, buy a new car.., just move on

  11. 11 Bill Power April 16, 2008 at 11:19 am

    Time to fall in love with somebody else. Do you really need all that drama? Not worth it.

  12. 12 Anonymous April 16, 2008 at 12:10 pm

    6 months?

    move on and forget about her

  13. 13 Anonymous April 16, 2008 at 12:46 pm

    …get a BJ ( at the very least ) before YOU dash it

  14. 14 Pud April 16, 2008 at 2:06 pm

    Great answers so far

  15. 15 First April 16, 2008 at 3:42 pm

    It sounds like she is promised to one of our military guys overseas. She may feel guilty about dumping him while he is over there which is an admirable quality.

    If this is the case then you should back off and wait till he comes home.

    At that time she can make her choice without the guilt and he probably won’t shoot you.

  16. 16 Chris April 16, 2008 at 6:11 pm

    If she knows toy have feelings for her, and she dosen’t respond to it in a good way, or dosen’t respond at all, just cut your self off.
    Act like you aren’t interested, if she dosen’t know it by then, she’s not worth the effort.

  17. 17 Chris April 16, 2008 at 6:13 pm

    Chasing her?
    Well if she knows you have feelings for her and dosen’t respond to you, just cut yourself off, act like you don’t care about her. Thats about all I can do for you.

  18. 18 Punk4Evr April 16, 2008 at 10:10 pm

    Here is what you should do. Lay it bare to her, and tell you how you feel. Then say Look, stop waiting for mister possibly, I am right here, right now! See how she takes it… If she still is iffy, then its time to move on, since she will never feel for you the way you feel for her. So don’t waste you emotions.

  19. 19 Anonymous April 16, 2008 at 11:51 pm

    Dude, shes already in a relationship, leave her alone.
    If she confused by what to do now, she’ll be confused later between you and the next guy too. And maybe it will be this over seas guy (who is probably in the military and will want to kick your ass anyway regardless of what she does).
    Move on

  20. 20 jojo April 17, 2008 at 12:06 am

    i tell you man, why d heck you are running which sounds so clumsy from the begining. Anyways your choice….loads of wishes.

  21. 21 Anonymous April 17, 2008 at 4:06 am

    Forget her . If she was really interested in you then the other guy wouldn’t matter at all .

  22. 22 Brian April 17, 2008 at 6:48 am

    Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her.

    -Sony, A Bronx Tale

  23. 23 Jesse April 17, 2008 at 3:30 pm

    Hit it and quit it. Why get balled up about a chick? There are lots of them. Some better than others, but none worth wasting more time than as long as it takes to bust a nut. Got it, mate?

  24. 24 rlv April 17, 2008 at 4:13 pm

    Forget about it. What about the other guy? What if it were you?

  25. 25 Anonymous April 18, 2008 at 8:58 am

    Dear Mot
    She’s just not that in to you. As a female (one who would never put herself in the situation you describe) all I can see is a woman who wants some attention and loves getting some. If and when this man comes back, she’ll get it from him. The truth is, if she were anyone worth knowing, she’d have sent you and your feelings packing a while back. That she hasn’t speaks to her own weaknesses. That you haven’t run for the hills yet speaks to yours.

  26. 26 Jay April 20, 2008 at 3:49 pm

    So she already has a guy and you keep insisting she hook up with you? That kind of makes you a jerk. But I will still offer you the following.

    I have never “chased” a woman and never will. They all lose their looks and hot bodies way before most men do. So why spend all your mental energy on trying to get one girl when you’ll want a different one in few months.

    The best way to get any girl is to do your own thing. What are some of your accomplishments? Are you educated? You have a job right? Is it a cool job? Or some slacker position with no future? What are some of your goals? You do have goals right? Do you have a hobby or something that you like to do on your own? How many projects do you have in the works? Or do you just sit around playing video games and getting fat and stupid?

    Looks are not everything. Girls want a guy who is about something other than some slacker hanging around all the time telling them how much they want to be with them and how pretty they are.

    Get a life first and the girls will find you, I promise. Oh, and never marry, but if you insist on doing it wait until you are at least 35. 45 would be even better.

    Now stop being a wuss and leave this girl alone and go about your life. You’ll be amazed at the results, and you’ll sleep better at night also.

    Lastly,Remember this. For every hot girl you see there is some guy, somewhere, who is tired of her shit. Jay

  27. 27 Sam April 25, 2008 at 4:14 pm

    1. Start seeing someone else. Take yourself away from her.
    2. Start increasing your networth, girls like security.
    3. If she wants to go out, get her drunk and throw down some moves.
    4. Keep several relationships on the boil.
    5. Give yourself some space and some options. Things will fall into place.

  28. 28 kenny April 28, 2008 at 4:30 pm

    i use to be in the same predicament, only minus the long distance relationship… i chased after a girl for about tow years or so, and her and her family aside from her father knew i was crazy about her… then one day i just said “fuck it, it isnt worth it” come to find out that she is with a guy who is like 8+ years older than her, and im sure a guy that wouldnt give her half as much attention as i would… let her go bro…

    good comes to those who wait

  29. 29 Sky May 5, 2008 at 10:30 am

    Stop chasing her! If she will leave her BF for you she will leave you for someone as well. Go away & do not mess with someone you know is already in a relationship with someone else, it never has a good ending. There will always be someone who gets hurt from it…maybe you!

  30. 30 Shaun May 11, 2008 at 9:30 pm

    I’m with #7 “behave like a squirrel” .. if that means run in front of her car, then you’ll probably get a pity lay out of the deal.

    Best of luck, and try to ‘roll with it’ upon impact.

  31. 31 Bindar Dundat May 21, 2008 at 2:14 am

    Ok, Mr. Doormat:

    If I knew when I was your age what I know now at 40…

    – Lotsa great fish in the sea, some of which will dig you like crazy, so why chase after trouble? Don’t let Mr. One Eyed Viper cancel the PATIENCE you need to find someone who is WORTH IT…

    – Women want a man who has a life of his own and doesn’t chase them around like a puppy dog…

    – Women want an interesting guy with a little mystery who isn’t a friggin’ doormat…

    You gotta keep their interest level up. How do you do that? By NOT TRYING, that’s how. By doing YOUR OWN thing and having a full life on your own. Then they want a part of that.

    And this is where most guys screw up… They “sorta, kinda” get the girl (at least in their eyes), or they get SOME of her attention, then they FORGET they are A FRIGGIN’ MAN, and start becoming a FRIGGIN’ DOORMAT. And then the woman sees the word “LOSER” flashing over your head…

    Even once you are IN a relationship, you don’t stop being A MAN. There is no such thing as “FOREVER CAUGHT.” The game goes on til you are DEAD, “goin’ steady” married, or otherwise…

    You want some decent advice? Go listen to “Doc Love” on the radio, or listen to his podcast ( obviously). This guy has it as they say, “goin’ on” with the science of women. If I had someone like him preach to my naive brain when I was YOUR age, I would have had it made.

    The main thing is, get rid of the wimpishness and remember you are IN FRIGGIN’ CHARGE. Like Dr. Laura once told the schmuck who lamented, “I’m just trying to be a nice guy..” she said, the problem with being the nice guy is that it is a PHONEY PREMISE anyway…you aren’t really being YOURSELF, and that is why women don’t go for the supposed “nice guy.” It’s cause they ARE NOT REAL. Not that you have to be an asswipe, you just have to RESPECT YOURSELF and not be, as I said, a DOORMAT.

    Now go get that friggin’ WELCOME lettering removed from your back and stop being a doormat.

  32. 32 suomynona June 1, 2008 at 10:03 pm

    It’s not that she doesn’t know what to do. She’s actually just having fun messing with you. What you have to do is stop chasing her to see how she reacts. If she likes you, then she’ll chase after you.

  33. 33 Old-fashioned Romantic June 3, 2008 at 6:32 am

    Are you sure she knows you like her? Have you told her? Most women dont want to rock the boat with their friends, especially if they’re already conflicted about someone else. Saying ‘hey, it’s great being your friend but I’d love it if you were my girlfriend’ isn’t scary, and if she wierds out about that, then move on. You don’t know if you don’t ask…. And don’t worry about the other guy. You’re just offering, not stealing.

  34. 34 VegasBob June 5, 2008 at 4:16 am

    A woman’s best-kept secret is that she wants emotional and even physical attention far more than a man ever does, but no woman is capable of admitting it. So stop chasing. It does no good. All you have to do is let go. If she wants you, she will come to you. If she doesn’t, you never had a chance anyway.

  35. 35 Esther June 8, 2008 at 7:14 am

    She’s laughing at you while enjoying big black cock.

  36. 36 ch June 11, 2008 at 10:49 am

    Get her hammered enough to forget the other dude for a night, hit it, now she won’t seem _as_ desirable, move on to the next one.

  37. 37 travis June 17, 2008 at 8:13 pm

    you should totally take relationship advice from the internet.. i bet that’ll work out nicely.

  38. 38 How it's done in Brooklyn July 6, 2008 at 4:58 pm


    She is testing you. And you’re failing the test — that’s the problem.

    You got to fix the problem. Ask her to a “friendly” lunch or dinner. Slip your hand around her and grab that ass. She’ll like it so much she’ll be hooked. If she is a ‘good girl’ – she’ll say something or move your hand. That’s another test – put it right where it belongs – back on your ass, and grab it tighter.

    She’ll be yours. Good luck

  39. 39 mc hammerstein July 17, 2008 at 2:22 pm

    get a hooker.

  40. 40 Name (required) July 25, 2008 at 12:35 am

    The fools in the crowd.

  41. 41 muu July 25, 2008 at 3:33 pm

    Seeing all this male retard advice reminds me why I’m a lesbian.

    Anyway, I agree with Punk4Evr. Lay your heart on the line, tell her how you feel, that you’re right there, and see if she she accepts it and feels the same way. If not, hit the road.

  42. 42 Oscar Meyer August 1, 2008 at 1:47 am

    this is some funny shit!

    but seriously folks, you are a wuss. half wimp, half puss.

    don’t be a baby. i like the grab her ass bit. that always works.

    last advice… follow all the previous advice and then make sure you whack off before you do her so you last longer.

  43. 43 anon August 7, 2008 at 1:49 am

    If you were the guy overseas, how would you feel if some guy stole your girl from you?

    She’s off limits until he comes home, then she’s fair game.

  44. 44 Evy August 7, 2008 at 9:09 pm

    If by the wisdom of crowds, did you mean the idiocy of crowds? Because, seriously, most of these answers just look like stupid men trying to out-stupid one another. “Let’s see how much of a chauvinistic tool I can pretend to be online!!” Meanwhile, you just know they’re in the same predicament as the guy. Psht. Seriously. I agree with muu… no wonder there are so many lesbians.

  45. 45 DW August 14, 2008 at 5:14 pm

    Just like everyone else said: just let go. Either she’ll come to you (but that doesn’t mean you won yet) or she won’t. Until that happens, put yourself out there and find as many possible candidates as you can. You don’t have to be a slut about it… just getting to know people is enough. Keep doing that until you find someone that you like that likes you back. You won’t “win” until you find someone you feel equal to that feels equal to you.

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