Assume they’re all taken

Dear Pud,

I’ve been single and without sex for 3 years now. It seems like all my attempts at getting a girlfriend fail. My friends say I come on too strong. But I long for a partner, and when I see something I like, I go for it.

I’ve come to the conclusion that all the best girls are taken.

What can I do to better my chances of getting into a relationship with a pretty girl?

24 years old
Clinton Township, Michigan


A few things.

  1. Coming on too strong – You’re lucky. Most of the guys reading this have a problem with confidence. You do not. But understated confidence is key. When your friends say you come on too strong, what they really mean is that you’re not smooth. Your mantra when approaching women should be, “don’t say you’re awesome — BE awesome.” Always remember that there’s no bigger turn on for a woman, then when she discovers something great about you — on her own.
  2. All the best girls are taken – It’s to your benefit to assume this. The way we succeed in life is by setting achievable goals. And you can get the woman of your dreams, but you need to break it down into a few smaller sub-goals.

    Here’s your first goal: The next time you meet a desirable woman, assume she’s taken and get yourself a place in line. Be her friend, or even just a pleasant acquaintance. Repeat, with every great girl you meet. Then as soon as they start to become single, set bigger goals for them. You will have success.

Rock on,

8 Responses to “Assume they’re all taken”

  1. 1 ben December 21, 2007 at 2:26 am

    Ahh Pud, words of wisdom yet again…

    When/how did you become the relationship god you are today?

  2. 2 Anonymous December 21, 2007 at 10:53 pm

    This sounds like Act I of the serial rapist biopic. Lower your expectations and hang out at some dive bars. You’ll get some.

  3. 3 Whitey December 21, 2007 at 11:01 pm

    Fantastic post pud, I’m having the same problem, except I’ve never had a girlfriend. My friends say that I on the other hand, say I try too hard. In any case, “getting your spot in line” is great advice, I’ve recently been doing this.

  4. 4 Anonymous December 22, 2007 at 7:16 am


    How funny that this came up just as I began reading your emails regularly!
    I’m a Results (Life) coach with the Anthony Robbins Companies. (Yes, Banana
    Hands from Shallow Hal). I have been coaching with them for a while now and
    I find that number one on my Male clients list of matters to coach in is
    approaching women. I find that between the ages of 24 & 40 especially, men
    forget who they are and try to “become” what they think will attract their
    catch. While the strategy is somewhat correct, the application of the little
    knowledge that they posses most certainly turns a large percentage of men in
    the wrong direction.

    My strategy is to first ask men what they REALLY want in a woman. Get clear
    on every trait, color, smell, even the experiences that you would want, dare
    I say desire, to have with your dream woman. As if you could wave a magic
    wand & she appear before you. I have them write this down in an exercise
    where you write non-stop for 5 minutes to some music that makes you feel
    good. Then, read it over. Anything missing? Great! Now you have a MAP to
    know where you’re going in your quest for the ultimate relationship. Next

    The one that scares most men to death. What type of man would attract the
    woman you just conjured up? Are you even close to the caliber of man that a
    woman like that would want? What areas of your life meet the assumed
    criteria that a woman like that might have? what strengths do you posses
    already that you can play on to show up as the man deserving of that woman.
    Also, what areas can you improve? What’s the plan for improvement & where
    will you begin to search.

    The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over & over again,
    expecting a different result. You have to change your approach to experience
    something new!

    Hope this helps… if nothing more, I was able to pontificate what landed me
    in the most amazing relationship I have ever experienced. (Of course…
    there was a whole bunch of trial & error!)

    All The Best,

    Michael Savage
    Anthony Robbins Results Coach
    Coaching Line 863-660-3952

    “Live with Passion!”

  5. 5 Anne in SC January 4, 2008 at 8:03 pm

    Too strong seems scary. Don’t send flowers immediately – make her wonder about you and wonder if you’ll call. In other words, play hard to get.

  6. 6 Anonymous February 20, 2008 at 2:28 am

    Dude… that’s horrible advice. That’s a recipe for “let’s be friends”

    Fact is, the tone you set at the beginning of a relationship will remain throughout the entire relationship.

    Every single guy she’s ever known is going to try to be her friend first, with the intention of fucking her later. This is weak game, and a violation of her trust.

    She needs to know your intentions within the first 10 seconds of meeting you. (subcommunicated, of course)

    Anyone who’s not man enough to be straight up with her from the start isn’t man enough to be her lover.

    You can be a safe friend, or a lover. But not both. (Unless she’s fat or something)

  7. 7 Bored Senseless May 2, 2008 at 1:52 pm

    As if anyone is reading this anymore…

    Get in line and wait your turn? This is the friend-turned-lover strategy which works less often than any other technique. No way. Life is too short. Confidence and attitude. If a woman senses any form of desperation you’re done for. Be confident, flirt. Be overt but not scary and don’t keep trying. If she responds then stop and turn the chase around, be patient. If she doesn’t respond then move on, quckly, but don’t fear the rejection.

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