Dear Pud,

I’ve been single for about two years now. I grew up around women, so I generally know what they want and need.

So why do I get rejected so often? Every girl I talk to is either taken, not interested, or doesn’t see me as a “boyfriend” — just as a friend.


23 years old
Clinton Township, Michigan


The fact that you grew up around women — that’s what’s holding you back. You act too much like “one of the girls.” They see you as just a friend. Or worse, as a sister.

I know it sounds 1950’s, but women want manly men. They want a man who’s simple; who subsists solely on food, sex and sleep. Women THRIVE on telling men that we don’t “understand” them, even if we do. Which, incidentally, gives us the perfect excuse for when we fuck up.

You see? It’s the perfect ecosystem. And you’re poisoning it for yourself.

Forget everything you know about women. Be confident, and you’ll do great.


9 Responses to “Symbiosis”

  1. 1 kate February 6, 2007 at 8:23 pm

    As a woman, can I object a bit here?

    While some are drawn to the macho/manly dude persona, it is not true of all women. In fact, for some it can be very off-putting until we discover that there is a softer side. Perhaps it is the women he is going after that is the problem? 😛

  2. 2 Duckie February 8, 2007 at 1:16 am

    I agree mostly with Kate here. I love a MANLY man, a man who I know would take charge if need be. But it’s also nice to have a curteous man who wouldnt mind watching Gilmore Girls instead of football. :p

  3. 3 Nice and dirty mucho (farting only in private) February 8, 2007 at 4:48 pm

    Kate, for some reason, the majority of younger women misjudge ‘nice’ guys as gay. If he is not the farting loud dirty mucho type, he *must* gay :/

  4. 4 Luke February 11, 2007 at 4:18 am

    Why don’t you just come out and say it Pud: the man is not heterosexual.

  5. 5 Anonymous February 12, 2007 at 8:54 pm

    Highly unlikely kate, because women don’t know what they want. Virtually every woman says they want a nice guy, that is in touch with his feelings, sensitive, but they always bypass these guys for bad boys. Also, nice guys provide no drama. Women love drama.

  6. 6 Anonymous February 15, 2007 at 8:19 pm

    Interesting comments, rabbi. Does this also describe your relationship with Ilona the Pest?

  7. 7 Anonymous February 16, 2007 at 9:55 pm


    When are you going to update this steaming pile of shit? It’s Feb 16 now.

  8. 8 Anonymous February 18, 2007 at 2:33 pm

    Pud? Updates? Please?

  9. 9 Mustache February 23, 2007 at 11:05 pm

    I normally do not disagree with pud’s wise advice, but i have to chime in on this one.

    The letter writer sounds like he fears the “nice guy” syndrome – where women sees him as friendly but not romantically desirable.

    I am 31 now, and when i was his age (23), i also had the same concerns. but my experiences since then tells me machoness or manliness has nothing to do with how sexually attractive women sees me. (at least in my own case)

    i am still nice. i am not even a little macho, nor do i try to be. I’ve always been good at relating to women in a gentle nurturing way, and i still do that.

    I am not macho, yet for the past 4 years, my love life couldn’t be better, more exciting, or more amazing.

    Here’s the thing, and pud has written about this before, “confidence is the key”. for young men like him (age only 23), they simply don’t know who they are enough yet. So the young men who act arrogant and macho and PRETEND they know who they are, will fool some girls into thinking they are confident. but, its kinda shallow and can only work for so long.

    So all you “nice guys” out there, don’t worry. Just hang out, do you thing for a while. if you keep your heads about yourselves, you will come to know who you are soon enough. and then… voila… sexy time 🙂

    ps: for the record, pud is also a very nice guy, who also happens to be confident.

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