Gay brother

Dear Pud,

I’d recently heard some rumors about my little brother being gay. So over the weekend I asked him. He came out and told me he was. Apparently he’s also come out to our sister. We come from a very conservative Asian family, and I know it won’t go over well with my parents.

I still feel like I’m dreaming. I’m not sure if I’m disappointed, or just sad about how much more difficult his life will be in society because he’s gay.

A little background on my brother — he was voted best all-around in junior high and high school, was an “A” student, and is currently attending a top university. He does not display stereotypically “gay traits.”

I asked him how he knows he is gay. He replied he just knew; yet admitted he had never had sex with a woman. How would he know he doesn’t like women if he’s never been with a woman sexually?

Sorry if this question is poorly written, I haven’t had much sleep since I found out.


30 years old
Los Angeles, CA


Your brother is a lucky man. It’s much better to be gay than straight.

Especially in his case.

The people he hangs out (gay or not) are much more open, honest, and enlightened than most people, including his own family. He’s seen prejudice, which makes him more tolerant. And most of all, a gay man can get laid instantly, whenever he wants.

How does he know he’s gay, even if he’s never tried sex with a woman? The same way you know you’re hetero.

He doesn’t display stereotypically “gay traits?” Maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t. You don’t know anything about him, he’s been hiding his entire life from you.

As for life being hard for him…dude — life is only hard for him around the people he didn’t choose to be with — his family. Everyone else in his life is aweosme. Maybe a little drama-queeny, but awesome. The life of a gay man is easy street. Most people these days don’t care, and the gay community is big enough he’ll make plenty of friends and likely have a better life than you.

(he’ll certainly get laid more)

As for the conservative Asian family, this is true — they will not take well to it. Make sure you and your sister support him and tell him he’s cool.


8 Responses to “Gay brother”

  1. 1 WitZGeeK December 12, 2006 at 4:01 pm

    Good advice! Reading posts like this reminds me why I like coming back to your blog.

  2. 2 Anonymous December 13, 2006 at 1:39 pm

    While I like your answer and agrees with most of it I have to say that I disagree with your statement “The life of a gay man is easy street.”

    Where do you get that? The lives of a lot of gay men will never be easy street.

  3. 3 Bezly December 14, 2006 at 4:18 pm

    Maybe in San Francisco Pudweiser. Try being gay in Texas. You’ll get ramradded up the ass by cowboy bob trying to work some christ into you.

  4. 4 Anonymous December 15, 2006 at 12:49 am

    Talk to your brother and ask him questions! But remember not to be critical…Also, if you’re thinking maybe he’s wrong, think about the internal struggle that he probably went thru deciding whether he was gay…he’s definitely sure by now..people don’t generally come out with that sort of thing until they’re sure. And maybe try talking to your parents too; their views can change.

  5. 5 Anonymous April 13, 2007 at 3:03 pm

    Some of what you say is true – but I dislike your (VERY) bias style

  6. 6 Anonymous June 19, 2007 at 11:36 am

    “Maybe in San Francisco Pudweiser. Try being gay in Texas. You’ll get ramradded up the ass by cowboy bob trying to work some christ into you”

    ROFL! Yeah, being gay can be one of the hardest things sometimes.

  7. 7 drhodes January 5, 2008 at 4:28 am

    Dear Wyatt I am from the south and growing up I had a really poor view of the homosexual community. About two years ago my brother came out to me in a seemingly similar fashion. He was also an all a student and not displaying typically gay traits. He has also never been with a woman. It has taken two years and hours of conversation with my brother to realize that he feels as strange about being with a woman as i do about being with a man. He will always be your brother and when he finally makes the huge decision to come out to your parents he will feel so much better and you can finally see his true colors shine through. I know this is long and poorly written but in short he’s your brother and he will need you to love him through what will be hard for your parents to understand for a while. be there for him and you will be closer to him than you have ever been.

    South Carolina

  8. 8 Tony August 13, 2008 at 3:36 pm

    Hi friend
    its a bigest problem of this era.our younger one thinks that whatever thay do its always right but some time be a gay still not good in our socity and mostly in asian families.i m also an asian and never want a gay in my home.but when its our brother then we should talk with doesnt matter that he dint sex with a doesnt make him gay cause in many asian families many ppl dont hv sex till age of 25(espasialy wid women)or before marrige.ppl who think that life of gays is a easy street are totally ppls are still not acceptable in socity.its totally against law of nature. Dear friend your brother need ur love,ur support. U may be remember those days when he made many mistakes but u used to protact him and made him clear that he shuld hv not do this. Talk him,its only d solution.
    God bless u and ur brother. . .ur friend

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