I’ve always been shy around strangers.

Once I’m around them for a period of time I open up, but sometimes it takes days. This doesn’t help when I’m at a bar or some social situation.

How can I approach people and not be so shy?

28 years old
Dallas, Texas


We all know that confidence is the key to overcoming shyness and intimidation. And while pretend confidence (discussed here) works for picking up the ladies, I’m going to give you real confidence. Specifically, confidence around strangers.

But before I bestow upon you this gift, know that you must use it carefully. In some situations it’s better to be a shy nice guy than to be a dick with confidence. Sometimes being a dick is good. “Quiet confidence” is usually the best.

But however you use it, here’s how to get it.

Callous as it may seem, the key to confidence is truly feeling that you’re somehow better than everyone else. In this case, “everyone else” are strangers. And the best part about strangers is that YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THEM.

Use this to your advantage!

Next time your in a bar or party situation, think of some accomplishment you’ve had. It could be a business deal, it could be a hot girl you banged once in college. It could something nice a little old lady said to you once.

If you can’t come up with something, think of something really bad that happened to you. A divorce, a loved one who died, or some trauma you went through.

You’ll think of something that makes you better and more experienced than the others around you. Remember, they’re strangers! Don’t think about the fact that they might have better business deals, hotter girls, and worse disasters. You don’t know them, so as far as you know they haven’t had any of that stuff.

Walk around and look at these people. Think to yourself, “been there, done that.” Tell yourself that these people are amateurs.

You’ll soon realize that everyone’s the same, and you’ll have no problem approaching strangers. Do this whenever you need a shot of confidence around strangers. Do it enough and you’ll have long-lasting sustained confidence — and you’ll feel silly for ever asking me this question.

You could also try this, a variation on the “I am better than you” method:

Rock on,

5 Responses to “Shy”

  1. 1 Anonymous December 11, 2006 at 9:26 am

    Ass pennies! That’s just about the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. PUD, where do you find this stuff?
    Man you really crack me up.

  2. 2 Chalice December 11, 2006 at 7:01 pm

    I laughed so hard I almost wet myself. I think I need to make sure I don’t get pennies back in the future… Don’t need no stinkin’ ass pennies 🙂

    Great one Pud!

  3. 3 Ben December 12, 2006 at 2:29 am

    I will try the ass penny’s. It reminded me of the scene from Mallrats. That was one of the funniest video’s I have seen.

    thanks, Pud

  4. 4 the_burning_bush December 15, 2006 at 1:27 pm

    I’ve tried the “I’m better than you” approach to confidence. All it got me was anxiety.

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    He was once entirely right. This put up actually made my day.
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