Out of your league?

Pud,

I know this girl, and I really like her. I met her through a friend a couple of years ago. We were both at school and got along well, but she’s a lot smarter than me and I kinda feel she’s out of my league.

We went out a couple of times, but we never really said if it was a date.

First time, we went to a bar and had a great time. Second time we went to another bar, she got really drunk and I took her home and put her in the spare room.

I never made a move to kiss her.

It’s a year later, I’ve moved away, but I still see her now and again with friends. Think I should tell her I think she’s God’s gift to mankind, and I’d love for her to have my kids?

Please help!

Thanks,
Gulsh

Gulsh,

Firstly, it was a date. If you think it was a date, she thinks it was a date. Unless there was some obvious reason for it to NOT be a date (meeting to discuss work, business, school, etc.), it’s a date. And even then it’s still usually a date.

That said, I will now bestow upon you the single most important lesson every man needs to know. I’m serious, this will change your single life.

Repeat after me. “If she agreed to go on a date with me, it means she ALREADY likes me. My only task at that point is to NOT FUCK IT UP, and I will be successful.”

In other words, when a woman agrees to go on a date with you, she is saying, “you are cute/funny/whatever enough that I am interested.” Then they use the first and second dates to look for flaws.

Now before I help you, there’s one more thing you need to know: People are only happy dating someone at their attractiveness level or higher (this “league” you speak of). Attractiveness can mean looks, brains, money, status, social group, whatever turns you on.

Your flaw is lack of confidence, and you showed it to her. But before you say, “okay I guess I’m a pussy and doomed to a life of loneliness and mediocrity,” I’ll let you in on a little secret: NOBODY is confident when it comes to dating. Not men, not women.

But the best men simulate confidence to get the girl.

Let me to explain.

Everyone knows women are turned on by confidence. Why is this? When a man isn’t confident, he’s telling the woman, “you’re out of my league.” And what did I say above? That people are only happy dating someone of their league or higher. You’re lower, you lose.

But can anyone truly feel confident going on a first date with someone their league or higher? Of course not. Brad Pitt would probably be confident around your chick (he’s out of her league), but how do you think he felt on his first date with Angelina?

If a guy is genuinely confident on a first date, it means he can aim higher. When you can feel the butterflies in your stomach, that’s your league.

Getting back to your question, yes, I can help. You fucked it up at the beginning but we can use that as a setup. You need to show her that you’ve changed, that you’ve grown from a boy into a man.

And it’s extraordinarily simple.

Next time you’re alone with her, tell her, “remember when we went out those times a few years ago?”

“Yeah,” she’ll say with a smile.

“I really should have moved in for a kiss. I really wanted to. Did you want me to?”

“Yes,” she’ll reply. 100%, trust me.

Move in.

Pud

10 Responses to “Out of your league?”


  1. 1 darkman November 21, 2006 at 11:46 am

    As J would say,”A rides a ride!”.

  2. 2 News is Good November 21, 2006 at 4:34 pm

    It’s extraordinarily reductionist to say that all considerations of ‘league’ come down to ‘is that person confident enough to ask me out’? If that was so, anyone could have anybody just by being so blind as to not see their own inadequacies and, thankfully, the world seems to be full of blindly inadequate people producing banality together.

    Therefore there is something more to committing to a relationship than ‘is this person confident?’. Other decisions, such as ‘is this person attempting to remove my legs?’ and ‘is this person made of something unpleasantly itchy?’ also feature.

    Being a college psychology teacher, we must also consider that:
    The matching hypothesis, which has plenty of research evidence, says that people roughly as ‘attractive’ will form and maintain a relationship
    Similarity is important
    Friendships are seen as a good basis for a relationship, unless the friendship is so good you could ‘wreck it’ by going out and then splitting up acrimoniously

    I say, ask, regardless of anything, because it would be good for you. If you are not selfish (and if you are not, I kiss you fellow traveller!) then also consider whether it would be good for them. If it’s a great big green light both ways, why not ask? To pointlessly reduce the chances of something wonderful happening? Not even Bambi could get away with that, and Bambi was cute squared, kid. Swallow your pride, follow it with a knuckle sandwich, and get busy with the thin lizzy.

  3. 3 mist1 November 21, 2006 at 6:00 pm

    Gotta drop that have my kids part. That made me want to run.

  4. 4 Alivia November 21, 2006 at 8:36 pm

    Hallelujah! Someone (male) got it right… too bad it’s too long for a bumper sticker.

  5. 5 mezz November 22, 2006 at 4:45 pm

    don’t wait to long! as soon as it becomes good-best friends it is near impossible to get onto the girlfriend side. oh… at least with me…hmm

  6. 6 Anonymous November 22, 2006 at 6:03 pm

    so so true…amazingly accurate…kudos !!

  7. 7 Anonymous November 22, 2006 at 11:43 pm

    “…When you can feel the butterflies in your stomach, that’s your league…”

    Very cool and isn’t that the truth?

  8. 8 Wild Chill November 23, 2006 at 3:36 am

    I’d have to agree with mist1. The ‘I’d love for her to have my kids’ part is pretty scary…

  9. 9 jugglar December 22, 2006 at 3:52 am

    hey guys, i am writting this blog so that u guys could help me.i think i m in love with a girl who too is a medical student as me.but i fear approaching her.telling my feelings for her would be a far thing because i cannot converse with her. i think she is too smart. smarter than me.
    please suggest me. i m afraid that i may loose the her if i dont express what i feel for her.

  10. 10 Anonymous April 11, 2007 at 12:11 am

    lol… ok I found this based off the fact that every guy I’ve dated has told me “I’m out of their league.” I guessed that it was probably due to low self-esteem that they had about themselves. No many how many times I tried to reassure them, they were in my league.
    Here’s my advice, read “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran, its one of the best books I’ve read about relationships and loving each other and its short and to the point. Also… go talk to her, give it a shot. Tell her how you really feel. I don’t know her. But to me, everyone has insecurity at some point in your life, about something. You can’t completely avoid it. But you can admit that you realize what you missed out on and you don’t want to miss any more. I think she would probably see that as the greatest compliment ever. Especially if she liked you. And if she’s like me. She doesn’t forget who she likes, and she always waits for one of them to come back and as Aaliyah says “Dust yourself off and try, again.”


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