Holding out

Pud,

Up to this point in my adult life, when starting a new relationship I’ve always been a “do it when it feels right” kind of girl.

Sometimes this means sex on the first date, other times its after a few weeks.

Do guys really respect a girl more who makes them wait? And how long is an appropriate amout of time?

Thanks,
Lover Girl

Dear Lover Girl,

Respect has nothing to do with it.

There has never been a case in history where a woman “holding out” made the difference between a guy wanting a serious relationship or not. He knows right away whether he wants a relationship with you or not — but either way he wants to have sex with you as soon as possible.

The reason women think that guys respect them more if they wait, is so it hurts less when they’re tossed aside. If you’ve known the guy 2 days, you feel dirty. If you’ve known him 2 months, you can tell yourself “the relationship didn’t work out.”

In fact, if a guy really likes you and is interested in a relationship, he will like you MORE knowing that you’re a dirty girl who likes to do it with strange guys (or at least him) you’ve just met. That’s hot and exciting.

The optimal time is upon the first make-out session that occurs privately near a bed or couch. Since the first date usually takes place in a restaurant or bar, it won’t happen then. Second or third date is optimal.

Rock on,
Pud

19 Responses to “Holding out”


  1. 1 Anonymous November 18, 2006 at 6:00 pm

    As a guy, this is so very true.

  2. 2 Anonymous November 18, 2006 at 7:34 pm

    Pud is right. Sex is just sex for us. If we like you we will stay with you regardless of whether you put out or not. Putting out is definately a plus for the relationship. The catch 22 of it is even if you put out and we can’t stand you, say hello to curb.

  3. 3 A Guy November 18, 2006 at 9:28 pm

    “In fact, if a guy really likes you and is interested in a relationship, he will like you MORE knowing that you’re a dirty girl”

    OK as a guy I would just like to say that this isn’t really true. When I meet a girl I generally like to wait a while before becoming sexually involved. If only because I feel more comfortable with it if I actually know the girl. I do agree that respect has little to do with it though.

  4. 4 mist1 November 19, 2006 at 12:17 am

    I’m sorry, I’m unfamiliar with the term “holiding out.” I will have to search Wikipedia.

  5. 5 Orhan Kahn November 19, 2006 at 3:55 am

    He knows right away whether he wants a relationship with you or not.

    Amen.

  6. 6 Anonymous November 19, 2006 at 1:11 pm

    If a girl is going to sleep with someone on a “first date,” is respect actually an issue?

  7. 7 Anonymous November 19, 2006 at 2:18 pm

    Just fuck him. You will both be happier. There will not be the added pressure of when do I do it, when it the appropriate time.

    “Just do it like they do on the discovery channel!” – Bloodhound Gang

  8. 8 Anonymous November 19, 2006 at 8:59 pm

    My wife of 13 years jumped into the shower with me before our first date. I don’t know about dirty but come in the water is fine.

  9. 9 Anonymous November 19, 2006 at 10:24 pm

    Even if all you want to do is pound her and make squeal like a weasel in heat. Isn’t that a relationship too????

  10. 10 this guy November 19, 2006 at 10:37 pm

    I must be ancient. I do not choose a girl for sex, but for love, or at least friendship.
    Love means committment. If a girl (or a guy) will put out for every one there is not much committment. Not the kind of girl that turns me on.

  11. 11 Ale November 19, 2006 at 11:23 pm

    He….That’s so true!

    The Ad Mad!

  12. 12 Anonymous November 20, 2006 at 2:37 am

    Pud, Pud, Pud —

    It took me a whole liberated summer of anon sex last year to realize that the whole “holding out” myth is actually a hold out of it’s own, spread among the more prudish of the female set who perhaps have hang-ups all their own. If the same standard doesn’t apply to men, then it should be sent the way of the dodo — and pantyhose.

  13. 13 Anonymous November 20, 2006 at 9:28 pm

    “I must be ancient. I do not choose a girl for sex, but for love, or at least friendship.
    Love means committment. If a girl (or a guy) will put out for every one there is not much committment. Not the kind of girl that turns me on.”

    AGREED!

  14. 14 Anonymous November 21, 2006 at 3:42 am

    I think it depends on the guy.. if you’re dating an easy guy, he won’t be impressed if you hold out.. It’s a matter of values.. if you don’t have those “hold out” values, why hold out? It’s just fake.. not all guys would be impressed with an easy girl.. but if the type you date are, well, why pretend otherwise.. =P

  15. 15 Anne November 22, 2006 at 7:58 am

    I had MANY boys I jumped right in it with – like them all and it was very fun! But I did hold out a tad with one – well, let him lead set the pace. And I did this because I knew – I REALLY LIKED HIM – and I wanted to let him take the lead. Well he must have liked me too – it took about 2 and half months to get to actual penetration and then you know how frequent it gets. 7 and a half years later – once college and jobs got started, we got married.

    So if you like a guy a lot, decide to not be so agressive – even though you may want it, and let him lead – if he likes you – he’ll hold out. And you won’t look like the prude – because you’ll be going along with whatever he dished out.

  16. 16 Redzilla November 22, 2006 at 6:27 pm

    As a woman, let me just say, if you’re not sure you want his baby or his herpes, wait. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you could get jacked up until YOU know you like HIM enough.

    On the other side, you can hold out as long as you like, and he really likes you, he will still stick around.

  17. 17 Anonymous November 26, 2006 at 9:13 pm

    I think redzilla is right, and I’m a dude.

  18. 18 Lovergirl December 7, 2006 at 3:53 am

    Now, let’s not get all worked up. It’s not like I’m whoring it up. I agree with most of your comments. However, sometimes when it feels right, it IS right. I’m not naive, I know that anyone willing to sleep with me without truly knowing me is not anyone I’d want to be in a relationship with. However, every now and then a girl just needs to get laid. “Holding out” is not going to make me more dateable, but it is a usefull tool that helps weed out the jackasses who really have no interest in hearing about my trips to europe or about my dog Rodrigo.

    Lovergirl

  19. 19 Rod December 11, 2006 at 11:57 am

    “On the other side, you can hold out as long as you like, and he really likes you, he will still stick around.”

    WRONG. I get uninterested in a girl very quickly if I suspect she’s holding out on sex in some sort of ploy to keep me around. Remember, sex is a part of intimacy… and for me to feel something intimate for a girl we need to have sex! It’s not a separate part of being close and intimate and liking someone…. it’s an integral part.


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