Clean hands

[this is a repost someone requested from 2004, “ask pud” the early years]

Pud,

Isn’t touching the door handle on my way out of the public restroom going to negate tne hand-washing I just performed?

Thanks,
Falling Water

Follow these steps:

  1. Pee
  2. Grab paper towel
  3. Turn on faucet with paper towel, place towel next to sink for later use
  4. Wash hands
  5. Turn off sink with previously-stored paper towel
  6. Discard towel, grab a new one and dry hands
  7. Use damp paper towel to open door, exit restroom
  8. Discard paper towel #2

Personally, I wash my hands before touching my dick.

8 Responses to “Clean hands”


  1. 1 dennis July 27, 2006 at 4:38 am

    if you use the same paper towel to turn on and turn off the faucet, your getting germs. you’ve got to switch hands and what not. its a complex process, which involves paper towels on knees sholders and other bodily locations.

  2. 2 long-time fan July 27, 2006 at 10:22 pm

    Re-warmed from old AskPud. Lame.

  3. 3 Stop touchin my blog! July 31, 2006 at 9:36 pm

    Quality nonsense as usual.

  4. 4 steven edward streight August 3, 2006 at 11:42 pm

    Shame on you for touching your dick. Didn’t yo mama warn you about blindness and furry palms?

    Love your book F’d Companies. I think the Grate in my aka is largely based on your snarly attitude in that book.

    F’d Companies changed my life. Er, my wife. Or…oh forget it.

    You rock Pud.

  5. 5 Anonymous August 4, 2006 at 11:41 am

    As Dennis mentioned, that still contaminates the paper towel. Do this:

    1. Grab paper towel (stick in pocket, mostly still hanging out)
    2. Pee
    3. Turn on faucet
    4. Wash hands
    5. Dry hands with paper towel
    5. Turn off sink with used paper towel
    7. Open door with same paper towel
    8. Discard paper towel

    Your hands only touch the door coming in, the button to get the paper towel, your dick, and then you wash them. Then, they only touch the clean paper towel.

  6. 7 Anonymous August 6, 2006 at 2:46 pm

    I worked with a guy who followed Pud’s ritual AND held his dick with a paper towel when he peed.

  7. 8 Nicholas August 17, 2006 at 5:32 pm

    I was that guy!


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